My mom emailed me. To tell me I need to get psychological help. That I'm letting my illness take over my life and I'm only going to end up alone as long as others think I'm sick.
I'll never get a boyfriend.
I'll never make friends.
Never get a good job.
Compared me to people with body dysmorphia who believe they were born in the wrong body, who cut off their own limbs or trick doctors into doing procedures that will leave them handicapped.
Said that she believes I'm in pain, but that if I stopped thinking about it, I could have a normal life.
Said that people with really bad disabilities live perfectly normal and fine lives.
I need to seek help.
I want to cry. I feel like throwing up. I feel like I've just spiraled into the seventh circle of Hell. I went from feeling good about myself for taking a nap and eliminating today's pain with natural, non-drug remedies, to feeling like I was in a pit of darkness because even my own mother was tired of my illness (and not for me, but just tired of it being around).
I love my momma. I know she means well. But I feel a million times worse for this than any other time she's told me to just "buck up and shake it off".
I guess I'll have something to talk about with the therapist/psychologist when I start treatment at the pain management clinic....
I'm so sorry your mom feels that your illness is specifically devised to make her life harder.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar conversation with my mom about something other than disability that I was dealing with, and I know it made me feel like a worthless piece of crap when she said it.
Does your mom know anything about EDS? Like it's a genetic disorder, which is progressive, and debilitating? Maybe you could print out some research for her to read, to help her understand.
I really hope your mom can find the right mindset, and be helpful instead of harmful.
Hoping for a better day for you,
Hugs!
She's going through a lot right now herself, and I think when I started talking about my problems, it made her feel like too much was going on and she couldn't handle things. She does know it's genetic (from everything I know, she has it too, but she doesn't care and won't get diagnosed...she thinks at her age it doesn't matter - but I keep telling her she could get better treatment if docs saw her problems from a different angle). She knows that it's painful and degenerative. But I don't think she realizes just how extreme it can be on any given day. It's hard because she's in pain, but she just keeps going. She grew up on a farm with a big family, so they didn't have sick days, everyone was in pain from the work sometimes, and they just kept going anyway. And I used to do that too. But it's not as easy to ignore the pain and problems anymore.
ReplyDeleteI've tried directing her to blogs and research and things. Sometimes it feels like she's on the same page with me, and other times it seems like it's too much to handle.
But either way, we're still talking and trying to understand things together.
::hugs:: Thanks for the support!