It's that time of year

Yes, I mean dysautonomia flare up season.

The last week has not been great, to say the least. And the last few days are really trying my nerves. I've had brain fog to the point I'm stuttering around words. I have been having POTS-y issues - high, irregular, pounding heart rate, shortness of breath related to a crazy heart rate, BP fluctuations, dizziness, faint feeling, nausea, headache.... - you know, all the normal stuff, I've been in a stupid amount of pain, which has increased daily, making today hell plus three, I've got no energy, no drive, just want to lay around with my heating pad and space heater and not feel like death every time I breathe.

I hate days like this. I wonder what my life will be like when I'm older, given that this has only progressed with every year that passes.

And I'm wishing my doc would give in and do the J-tube procedure, that way, I can try to avoid days like this, or at least feel a little better when I have to go through this. Because I have had very little to drink today, which is making things worse. But I have no appetite, and everything makes me sick (I gave in and went to McDonalds today because I figured even if I felt like crap afterward, at least I actually ate something, because nothing else sounded good.

I really want to take a shower before bed. I took one last night and washed my hair, and took another one this morning after I gave the dog a bath (but only did a quick scrub because I was tired). My hair will last another day, and I really don't think I'm all that funky, but I feel gross. And I feel like a hot shower would be great. But my body is having a hard time just mustering the energy to type right now.

I think tonight should just be a early to bed with a book kind of night. I don't think I have the energy left for anything else.

And I need to call my doctor in the morning because I've been taking my PRN beta-blocker for the POTS symptoms, and realized tonight that I had two doses left, which will get me through two days if I'm careful/lucky. But I really don't want to run out while I'm feeling like this. I hate taking the beta-blocker because my BP is already so low that it just makes me drag, but it takes the edge off the feeling of my heart wanting to explode.

2000. Time to curl up in bed. I surrender.