Very brief update, then bed

- the halter/event cardiac monitor showed nothing eventful. didn't figure it would. just showed some tachycardia. duh.

- still having the tachycardia, despite the beta blockers, still confirming my beliefs that it's not my heart. i have a doctor appointment on monday, i'm going to ask if i can come off the beta blockers. I don't want the drugs in my system if I don't think they're actually doing me any good.

- i have to switch all my doctors with my new insurance. every single one of them. i cried when i found out. i love my doctor. and continuity of care is important, especially with chronic illnesses. but, alas, i sucked it up and made a lot of phone calls today and got a lot of new doctors. I have a new GP with an appointment set up for a couple weeks from now (to establish myself as a new patient and to feel her out as a doc...because i've had a bad doc and i'm not doing that again). I also had to reschedule my genetics appointment. luckily they (only two in the entire system) had an appointment in december, so although it's still more waiting, I can survive a couple more weeks. I decided not to call a rheumatologist. I'll let my doc refer me to one (there is one in the same office, so I'm hoping since i'm currently a rheumatology patient and they're in the same office, she can get me in there easier than if I call myself, even though I don't need to go back until january).

next week I get to play the file collection game where I call up all my old docs and get all the records sent to all the new docs (actually, i think i'll just have them sent to the new GP and let her disperse them from there as needed so that i don't have to run all over town in HIPAA hell).

- i dislocated 4 of 5 toes in my sleep a few nights ago. not fun at all. i tend to dislocate my little toes (the pinky toes on the end) quite frequently, so those didn't really hurt all that bad, or ya know, at all (it actually scares me how little that hurts...i feel it, but it doesn't really cause pain anymore), but the ones in the middle were a might uncomfortable all bent back and stuck like that. not a great way to wake up.

- could somebody please tell me why my tinnitus has been driving me absolutely bat shit crazy lately?!?!?! I know it's there and i'm aware of it sometimes, but for the last couple weeks, it's been relentless. I can't be in a silent room at all. I've been falling asleep with the ipod on just for some peace (in case you don't know anybody with tinnitus, they generally have a hard time sleeping unless there's a tv or radio going just because the noise in their head will drive them insane before any kind of sleep happens! and that's how the last couple weeks have been for me!).

- i learned today that i have a prolapsed rectum. apparently it's been that way (or been working itself into that position) for a couple months, but i thought it was just rawness or discomfort from BMs and sensitive skin. when i finally had a look, i realized that in fact I had close to 2 cm of colon out of my body. wonderful. i'm going to start using baby wipes permanently (they were just an every now and then thing, but now they're going to be all the time) and ask the doc if some preparation H or barrier ointment might help the discomfort.

way to go EDS for screwing me up just a little bit more!

- work tomorrow. with any luck, it will be like yesterday was. yesterday kinda dragged until the afternoon. then i had to sit with a lady while she got a blood transfusion (watch for reaction and check vitals constantly....she did wonderfully, so mostly i was just checking vitals and had someone nice to talk to for 4 hours). if i could have another day like that (obviously not exactly the same, since we sent her to rehab, so my buddy is gone), that would be wonderful for a saturday. then sunday me and matt are doing halloween movies, bumming around on the couch all day, and spending the whole day in and enjoying the heck out of each other's company (he has to leave for 2 hours for raquetball practice with the boys...but that's not too bad). I'm greatly looking forward to that!!!!!

Off to bed for me! Good night!!!!

Sleepy time, but first....

So that obnoxious pain in my chest that I've had for years and years and years that I could never figure out, that doctors could never figure out, that I was told I'm just going to have to live with because there was absolutely nothing wrong with me....? Well, I'm quite certain that pain is from subluxing/dislocating ribs. I was in bed when it happened a couple days ago, turned wrong and PAIN. Grabbed my chest (instinct, hand goes to what hurts) and wouldn't you know it, there's a huge bump in my chest next to my sternum. It's a rib. Sticking up. That wasn't sticking up before. After forcing myself to return to a naturally straight position (that's what I learned to do, even if I could never figure out what was wrong or why it hurt in the first place, I knew that staying contracted toward the pain wouldn't help for long), I stretched slowly, massaged and pressed on my chest a little, stretched and flexed a bit more, and eventually it went away (with some dull aching as an after effect, which is normal). So, there we have it. I'm pretty certain that's what's been going on. And I have every intention of bringing that up with the rheumatologist in a couple weeks when I see her (not that there's much she can do about it, but hell, maybe we can get creative).

I think the TED hose are doing something in the way of helping me. I skipped wearing them to work one day last week because I only have one pair and they needed washing (you have to hand wash them, and let them air dry, takes forever and they weren't dry by the time I had to go to work). Within 2 hours at work, my heart rate was ridiculously high and I felt horrible. I had to down close to 2 liters of water (with some salt for retention) in an hour to make my blood pressure come back up enough to make it chill.
And then halfway through the day, my legs were just achy. They're always achy, but this time it was the muscles aching, and in a way they hadn't in a while. It could have just been a coincidence that I was feeling bad that day. But I'm not willing to be testing that theory out all that much. I didn't wear the stockings, I felt like junk all day. Seems logical.
I still want a pair of tighter ones though. The thigh-highs that I have don't stay up while I'm at work. The force from walking all day and friction from my pants rubbing on them makes them scoot down to my knees. Which is worthless. I would rather have the thigh-highs, but not if they're not going to stay put. I ended up getting a pair of regular knee-highs out of the supply closet and switching them halfway through the day.

Tests for my tummy are in a week. Hopefully they can find something this time, or determine better what they can do to help me. Today was the first day of "prep". No meds for a week, to really build up all that nasty stomach acid. Ugh. Today wasn't too bad. Lots of hiccups and burps, and some mild pain later in the day. But I know it'll get worse the longer I go. The day before the test will be pretty bad. Not looking forward to that. But at least I know I don't have to work that day this time around. I have all three days off for the test.

So many tests and doctors and YUCK!! I hate being sick. I hate being a scheduling pain in the ass at work. I hate feeling like a disaster and like I need to explain myself. Today at work was not fun when I had to work around all my appointments that were scheduled. And there was nothing I could do because I'm not about to reschedule them and I don't really want to have to explain to everyone that I have EDS (and fibro) and what it is and that yes I can work but that yes I really am sick and need to be seeing all these doctors. Oy. What a mess.

But at any rate. I think I'm going to investigate the yummy smell coming from the kitchen (I don't think I'll eat, I just want to know what it is ;P ) and then lay down with my book. I'm tired, I could definitely turn in early tonight, but I would really like to carry on with this book!!! So good!!!

Real quick before bed

It's closing in on getting late. I find it very hilarious that 10pm is late. But considering I didn't sleep much last night (never do), and gave up and got up at 4:30 this morning, I'm just about wiped. So we'll keep this short.

My compression (TED) stockings came early this morning. I ordered non-prescription ones online a couple days ago. I was hoping to try them out to see if the light pressure would help stabilize my joints enough that I could avoid braces/splints. On good days, I don't wear them anyway because they're so uncomfortable and cumbersome. But on bad days when I need them, I hate wearing them. So I'm wondering if this will be an alternative to the good days.
I've also been having trouble with my blood pressure/heart rate. I don't know if I'm starting to develop POTS secondary to EDS, but the last few weeks have been pretty ridiculous. And I've had bouts of severe tachycardia for the last year. A couple dozen unexplained episodes where I jump up to 130 or higher for no reason at all. I had a full cardiac workup in February and nothing was found. We chalked it up to medications/diet/stress. But I don't think that's what it was.
Now, I've been having daily spells of high resting heart rate (90-110) with no discernable cause. I've always had good heart rate in the past. My blood pressure has always been low though because of my size (5'3 and always under 120 lbs means low BP). Since I've been losing weight lately too, I think that might be contributing. But the tachycardia is very uncomfortable. It makes it hard to focus, makes me nauseated, makes me feel faint...all the fun things tachycardia should do.
Non-prescription compression stockings aren't very strong, but it's a start. I figure I'll try these for a couple weeks and see what happens. I may also ask my doc about a stronger pair to see if that helps any.
The good news is that they weren't as uncomfortable as I was expecting. And maybe they'll help prevent the couple of varicose veins that are forming on the backs of my legs. I'm too young to be getting those already.

---

Did lots of running around today. After much hassle, I got the doctor's note I needed for my new job. I went to my rheumatologists office and picked it up and hand delivered it to the HR department to make sure they got it. Because otherwise, I was looking at not starting for another 6-8 weeks. And that would suck considerably. So now I'm set. I have general orientation bright and early tomorrow morning. All day. Not the most ideal way to spend a Saturday. But hey, I'm used to not having my weekends anyway ;P

Got to see my guy for a little while tonight. It's hard not getting to see him as much now that school's started. But hopefully we'll get to spend more time together on weekends. He was very whiny when I had to leave though. Because it's Friday night, the night he actually gets to stay up later (even though he was falling asleep on the couch) and I had to leave because I had to start getting around for bed. It sucked. But it is what it is. As long as we're seeing each other at least once a week, we'll survive. Hopefully once I get a schedule and get into the swing of this new job, we can see each other a little more again. I miss him.
And I reminded him that once we're married, we'll be in the same house and we can see each other every day. Even if it's just to sit in the same room while we work :\ I still take this over the long distance crap any day.

Well, I need to hit the hay. Morning is coming whether I sleep or not. And I'd really like to sleep. Night all!

Finally!!!

Last night was my last night at work. It was really good. Nothing terribly crazy or stressful; just a "normal" night.
Hopefully things can get straightened out with the doctor's office and HR so that there won't be any issues when I try to get to orientation on Saturday. I really don't need a hold up getting back to work. But I'm hopeful that it'll all get straightened out. And I'm really looking forward to my new job :)

Been having some tachycardia lately. I've always had low blood pressure (I'm little, that's not terribly abnormal), but with my heart rate climbing, I'm a little worried. I ordered some thigh-high TED stockings (obviously, without and Rx, they aren't super strong, but better than nothing) to try out, maybe they'll help a little. Maybe. If not, I need to call my doc to get a PT referral anyway. I'll mention it to her then. And ask if she thinks stronger TEDs would help or if I need something else (cardio referral, I'm sure...but we'll deal with that when it comes).

I've been missing Matt like crazy. Him working has definitely put a damper on the amount of time we get to spend together. Which we knew would happen. But it's still a bummer.
I just can't wait until we don't have to do this commuting and time apart and not seeing each other.
All in good time. I know.

I thought I had more to say. I guess not ;P Been a pretty boring couple of days. That's not such a bad thing, I suppose.

sigh number two, or, the week is finally over

So I had my consult at Barnes. The surgeon was good and had some good ideas and agreed that a fundoplication was good to have on the list. But he wants to run another test first. Since my 24 hour pH monitor last year came back pretty normal (either because I was having a good day or my pH really is close to normal), he wants to see if I'm having regurgitation/reflux of non-acid stomach contents. There's a test similar to the pH monitor to check for that. They're supposed to call and schedule me for that.
He also said there was something called visceral hypersensitivity. It's entirely possible that my body doesn't tollerate a normal amount of acid and is breaking down and reacting to what would be "normal" to any other person. He said this can be treated non-surgically, with things that I haven't tried yet (since we weren't looking for it before). If that's what it is, that would mean one less surgery, but a lifetime of some kind of pill/treatment and probably another diet change. So both have pros and cons.
We'll see what the impedence test shows.

---

Saw grandpa after my appointment. And I couldn't have been happier when I walked in and he recognized me immediately. He was really doing much better than I was expecting. He still has a large clot in his carotid artery to worry about, but is much more stable now than he was before. He is completely blind in his right eye (I thought she said left before)....no light, no shadows, no movement, no nothing. It's just gone. And he has some facial paralysis. He has to work to keep his eye open and mouth closed (grandma had fun reminding him every five minutes to do so, payback after years of hearing the same commands after her stroke). But the paralysis on his left side is improving. He can bring his hand up to touch his nose, he was scratching his right shoulder with his left hand, playing with his IV tubing with both hands (the nurse in me was watching that a lot closer than the rest of the family....that takes a LOT of fine muscle coordination....I was really pleased to see him doing that, just threading it through his fingers, back and forth, and not dropping it), he wasn't moving his left leg quite so well (the right one was doing fine), looked like his toes were drooping quite a bit already, but he's going to be getting a lot of therapy, so I pushed my worries back on that one. He still doesn't have bladder/bowel control yet, but he'll start to get that back when he starts moving around again. The more he gets up on his feet, the better his bladder will begin to function. They took him off thickened liquids while we were there (he's been moved lower and lower on the scale the last few days), changing him to regular liquids with 100% supervision and prompting to tuck his chin, which he was doing very well without any choking trouble.
It was just so great to see him doing so well after such a traumatic CVA. It was great to see him cracking jokes and making light of the situation. He's still worried whether or not he'll get his driver's license back or not (I really don't know if they'll give it back to him if he doesn't regain his sight in that eye, given his age and 2 CVAs), and he's worried about his leisure activities, but we promised him we'd teach him how to shoot left handed and that since he usually only crappie fished anyway, he didn't need to cast a rod like a pro anymore.
He'll be okay. Surgery is on Tuesday. I pray that it goes smoothly and uneventfully and that his recovery will be just as quick as it has been going. I really think he's going to be just fine when all is said and done here.

I took a short nap before work when I got home that night, and woke up to a voicemail from my little brother. Called him back and he told me his girlfriend was pregnant! OMG!! I can't believe it!! It's still absolutely amazing to me! They've got a lot to figure out, but they'll do this. They're really excited and happy and I'm happy for them!

---

Thought I was finally going to get some sleep after two days of running around. Even took a sleeper to make the transaction complete. Then my body stepped in and screwed me over. I woke up a lot. It was a very unrestful sleep. And I woke up hot and in pain and in a drug-induced hangover because I didn't get to sleep it all off. I'll be so glad when I start sleeping nights again, because I really think I'll sleep much better then.
I woke up with HORRIBLE jaw/facial pain Thursday. That was probably the worst my mouth has ever hurt like that. Had I not already been in a sleeping pill haze, I would have gotten into 'the stash' and taken something stronger. I hate narcotics, I hate taking anything at all really (even tylenol on a regular basis), but sometimes, pain meds are necessary. That's what I have them around for. Darvocet and Vicodin, emergencies only.
I also think having a different job will help. Because my pain has really been minimal this week since I've been on the "light" hall. It's much like what I'll be doing at the hospital, more time on my feet, but less straining and pulling and wearing and tearing on my joints. Which I'm looking forward to.

Got home from work yesterday morning and had a small bowl of cereal. I have to eat something when I get home to keep my blood sugar from dropping while I sleep and because I need food on my stomach with a handful of morning pills. But 5 minutes after I ate I felt like crap. My stomach has been seriously hating on me lately. I think I'm about to have another go round with IBS. The rheumatologist gave me a new prescription for IBS meds to try if I want to (if that's what I'm about to endure), but what I have works pretty well for me right now, so I think I'll stick with it. No use in messing up a good thing.

---

Went over to Matt's last night. At first I wanted to go out and do something since we hadn't seen each other in a while and it was so nice out (75 and sunny and beautiful), but since I still wasn't feeling well and he'd had a crappy day too, we opted to stay in. We bummed around, went on a grocery run, made yummy food, and bummed around some more. And fell asleep cuddling on the couch for a while, because that's the best end to any night. What more could I ask for?

---

I just downloaded I Spy on my iPhone....I'm definitely going to play that for a while before I hit the hay!!!

sigh number one

Pre-work health screening went well. I checked the box on the form for fibromyalgia (even though I'm not entirely sure I do have it, I have been diagnosed, and I am taking meds for it), so the nurse practitioner asked. And I told her about the EDS as well. Bonus points to her for actually having heard of it before and seeming to have a general understanding of what it was. She didn't seem concerned about me working with either of those. But wanted me to go ahead and get a note from my doc saying that I can work, should anybody pose questions later. I'll call my rheumatologist in the morning.

---

Going for my surgical consult for my stomach tomorrow. Hopefully he won't have an issue with the EDS either. I'm not really sure if or how that will affect this surgery. But this guy is one of the very best in the nation (like top 5) for this type of procedure, so I'm hoping he will know how to work around/with it.

After my consult, I'm going to visit Alicia's grandfather. He's in the same hospital I'm going to for my consult. She called me earlier and told me that he had a stroke a couple days ago. He's not doing good. He got TPA right away, but he still has a big clot (which can't be operated on for a week now because of the TPA). And he doesn't remember having the stroke no matter how many times he's told. He's blind in his left eye, having memory issues, trouble swallowing, partial paralysis on the left side, incontinence....it doesn't look good right now. I really hope he can pull out of this. I hope the surgery to remove the clot goes well.
I'm sad that Licia can't be here with her family, but I'm glad that she has Drew there. That's what she needs now, her husband.
I really hope G'Pa is okay. I can't picture him being so sick and weak....

---

I need to get ready for work....gonna be a long sleepy night. And another short day of sleep tomorrow....
Oy.

*flump*

I hate coming home from work knowing I have to shower because I'm gross, but don't have the energy to stand in there for 15-20 minutes (too much thick hair just adds a whole lot of time to it...makes it even worse).

Plus, I subluxed my right shoulder at work last night. I've never done that before. My issues have always been with the left side. I thought I had more time before the right started giving me hell. Guess not. It hurt. And there were witnesses. They got to hear the sickening pop as it settled back in when I moved my arm wrong. Fail.

Okay....getting off my ass to go shower now so I can go to bed. Which is where I really want to be.

.....though sleeping in my chair would feel so great right now too....

*motivates, moves*

Love it when that happens

Had a good night at work last night. Worked with a good crew, full moon was still making people crazy, and I didn't have an insane amount of pain. My hands/fingers were giving me trouble by the time last rounds/get ups came around and I kept fumbling with things, but the pain was minimal.

Also turned in my resignation letter and two weeks notice last night! YAY for a new job! I can't wait!! I really hope working at the hospital will be better for my body. I think it will be. Certainly can't be much worse than where I'm at now.

Got my new chair today. Nothing fancy. Just a little video rocker that sits on the floor. But it means I can resume sitting on the floor. Comfortably. Or, more comfortably than I was. My back is supported and my hips are more supported than I thought they would be (moreso than they are just sitting on the floor), and it takes some of the pressure off my ankles (because when I sit on the floor, I tend to sit on my feet). It's much more comfortable and less strenuous on my body. I'll take that for a $25 chair.

Off to work for me........

Pet peeve of the day: vocabulary

I have many pet peeves, just like many other people in this world. I do my best to keep my opinions about them to myself though, because many of my pet peeves don't concern other people/aren't bothersome to others. But sometimes, there are things I can't let slide any longer.

The word "starving" is quite bothersome to me. People I know aren't actually starving. Because the people I know are all at least well enough off to afford at least two meals each day.
When it's morning and you haven't eaten since 2 hours before bed and your stomach is empty and growling, you're not starving. You're hungry.
When you had breakfast between 6 and 8 and you now see that the clock is approaching 11-12, causing your stomach to wake up all of a sudden, you're not starving. That's habit, and hunger.
When you're at a restaurant and you've ordered a meal that takes 30 minutes to get to you, but you are sipping wine and nibbling bread while you talk to someone, you're not starving. You have an appetite.
There are many people who are, in fact, starving in America. But believe me, these people are not us.

And then there's the word misery. I do have just as many problems with this one. Because misery is different for everyone, this much I'm sure of. But again, let's break it down a little.
I know it's summer and that it's very hot and uncomfortable in the sun (especially around here, where the humidity can feel like it may choke you some days...and hey, I choke on a daily freaking basis, so I know what that feels like), but an 85-90 degree day is not misery. It's an annoyance.
When you're camped out in line waiting for concert tickets on a super hot day or a super cold day, for hours or even a whole day, please be assured, I don't have sympathy. I think that is a CHOICE. Concert tickets aren't exactly something you'd call miserable now is it?
And when you've done something like drink all night with your friends and wake up hung over, or go out and do something you knew wasn't safe and end up with a sprain or strain or even a broken bone...I'll give you that doesn't feel good at all, maybe even feels miserable if that's the worst you've been through in your life. But again, choices. I have little sympathy for someone who parties all night and feels like crap in the morning or knew they shouldn't be mountain climbing with an already broken arm.

You know what is miserable?
A man dying in a hospital bed in a nursing home. Who is starving to death because his body told him weeks ago that he no longer needed food, that calories weren't necessary anymore. A man who is in a great deal of pain, but nobody can truly know how much because he can't speak anymore. A man who is getting more pressure sores by the hour because his circulatory system is shutting down. A man who's eyes won't close, but remain glazed over and fixed in one position. A man who's mouth won't close, so as he gasps and breathes deeply, his gums and teeth and palate and tongue and lips dry out so much they crack. A man who can hear what's going on around him, maybe even still see a little, but have no way to communicate what he really needs or wants or feels.

That looked pretty miserable to me.

FREAKING FREEZING!

Stupid Savella is really giving me thermoregulation issues. Hot flashes with goosebumps one minute and freezing cold the next. It's summer, and I'm currently curled up with a fleece blanket. WHY?!?! Sheesh.

Had a really bad pain day at work last night. Every movement (even breathing) came with popping, snapping, and cracking. Every. Single. Movement. I was so tired by the time I got home. I gave myself a quick sponge bath (got the essentials and the gross stuff from work off) and crawled into bed. Woke up at some point with my elbow all but out of place. That hurt for quite a while, then I went back to sleep.

And now I'm up, had food, ran errands, made supper for work, and I have to do my write up for work. Then maybe do a little free writing. Maybe.

Another day, another dollar

Work was good last night. Amber's going away party. Not gonna be the same without her there, but I'm glad she's doing something that will give her flexibility for school and something she likes more.
And in the meantime, we have a new orientee.

Me and Shae got most of my hall up in pretty good time this morning. And one of the girls brought her dog in for the day which made MC spring right up out of bed! So cute. Those little ladies just loved having a puppy to care for for the day.

I slept in a little today, which felt good. And I think it was because I was actually moving around in my sleep more. Not my old flailing and tossing and turning like a fish out of water (I think I've outgrown that, actually). But just moving around and getting comfortable more often. Which I'm not usually doing. I wake up sore and stiff and in pain because I lay in one position too long. But today I didn't. It felt good.
Beary Long was also on my butt. Don't know what that was about. I don't know how that bear ends up in the places he does.....

My thumb is feeling better after catering to it more last night at work. I was careful to keep it tucked more when I could and use the heel of my hand rather than my fingers/thumb when I absolutely had to.
My hip is starting to bother me though (like, just in the last 30 minutes, really aching and feeling like it's not right). Hopefully it'll chill out by the time I get to work.

Emailed K back. She's really been a great ally and an amazing friend through all of this. It's great to have someone to go to who's been through the chaos of a chronic pain problem. We have a big way to relate to each other, and bounce a lot off each other that we can't necessarily run by just anybody, no matter how much they say they understand. I'm really glad I have her to talk to.

I need to start getting around for work so I can sit and write for a little bit. Because I would really like to crank out a drabble tonight.

I feel old

I thought I would be to a point in my life eventually where I was back to not having to take any pills for anything (except my multivitamin, which is non-prescription, so I feel much better about it). Because in middle school and high school when I was taking numerous pills for numerous problems, only to find out I didn't really need any of them, I felt so much better just to get rid of the pill bottles. I felt youthful again. Young people shouldn't have that many medications, right?

Well, with the new diagnoses comes all the pills again.

Prenatal multivitamin 1 tab per day, the prenatals have more oomph for me
Topamax 50 mg twice a day, that's one I've been taking for years for my migraines
Prilosec twice a day, getting close to two years for that now (before that it was a lot of Tums, still a lot of those some days)

Now, I've tacked on more.

Savella (for the fibromyalgia), I'm on the titration pack now, but will be on 50 mg twice a day
Meloxicam (for inflammation/pain), 15 mg once a day, has to be evening for now, since I don't eat or drink much in the morning before I go to bed, just enough to keep my blood sugar up
Trazodone 100mg, to help me sleep, because with the slightest amoung of pain or discomfort, I'm done with the bed, and lack of sleep is bad for me, though I don't think I'll take it every day...maybe depending on how I feel when I go to bed, or see how I am the previous night...I've taken it in the past and I didn't need it every single night then either

And I have IBS drugs PRN for flareups. Those aren't usually so bad that I want to take meds, because they make me drousy, and because I don't like meds! But I do have them, and I will take them if I need to (because nobody likes being confined to the bathroom all day).

Hopefully there won't be anymore meds added onto this. I realize there might be changes, especially if the "hot flush" from the Savella doesn't let up (I thought I was going to die at work last night due to a defective internal thermostat!), but changes are better than additions.

--

I think my spine was subluxing at work last night. It was the first time I've ever felt anything like it. It was more unstable and scary feeling than painful. Though at the time, I was rushing to get to a resident alarm and was more worried about not collapsing when I got there...adrenaline was rushing.
...I'd like to not experience that again at work.

--

I had an AMAZING job interview today!!! I really really hope I get it! It's in a great hospital and I would be working a better shift and the way they run things is just so much different and better than where I'm at now and I just love it! And it would be easier on my body (once I got the hang of it...every new job is a little taxing in the beginning). I really clicked with the interviewer (the team lead/nurse manager) and it was the best interview I've ever had. She said she was going to put me up for the job offer and really hoped that I got it. I hope I do too!!!

I think I'm going to kick back for a little while before I have to start getting ready for work. I didn't get enough sleep (due to early but awesome interview) and my feet and back are already achy.

Good has to outweigh the bad. Fact.

Let's start with this fact: I'm a picker. I used to bite my nails, I used to pick at them, used to pick scabs and dry or peeling skin and anything else that was there to pick and pull at on my body. With a lot of mental focus, I learned to stop doing this, because it's all very bad habits, I know this. But once in a while, it still gets the better of me again and I'll catch myself messing with a bad fingernail or dry skin on my hands or feet.
A handful of years ago, I had a REALLY bad patch of dry skin on my feet that was getting on my last nerve. I put socks on my feet, and fitfully went to bed. I woke up with raw, bleeding feet the next morning. That's right, I picked at them in my sleep. To the point that I couldn't walk for a week. I had a nurse wrapping my feet every day and I had to soak them to keep them from getting infected. It was awful. That was the worst week of camp ever.
I'm very good about lotioning my feet now so that that can't ever happen again.

Except. It did. Not nearly as bad as before, thank God. But I have pulled a sizeable chunk of skin off my heel. It's bleeding and raw and so very fragile and it HURTS! Work is going to suck tonight.

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Matt starts work tomorrow!!! He has lectures and seminars and paperwork from tomorrow until the first day of class. Boring stuff, but necessary. And it'll fly by. I'm just so excited for him! I can't believe he's finally getting his class room! He's worked so hard for it!
Even though money is a little tight right now, I'm going to get the gift I originally intended to get him. Because I can't think of anything else that he would like as much, and I think he really deserves it. I'm so proud of him!
So I have to make a couple calls tomorrow to make sure I can get that purchased and set up in the next couple weeks :)

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The new girls at work are talking about leaving as soon as they get their certifications. Pardon me while I happy dance. WAHOO!!!! Things would be so much better without them. That's all I can say. Even now that they're trying....a little....they're still not in it for the right reasons and just don't give it the right effort or time or care and just don't see the bigger picture. At all. They drive me crazy (not just me, they drive everybody crazy). So, if they want to leave, more power to them.

I really need to stop rambling on here and get to work. Like, now.

Dear neck pain, I hate you.

I woke up with a stiff neck yesterday afternoon. I stretched and twisted and it didn't loosen up....I had kinked it up while I was sleeping. No big deal. Everybody gets a crick in their neck occasionally. And it always goes away when I go to work because I get to moving around and it loosens it right up. Wonderful. No worries.

Except that it didn't get better at work last night. It just kept getting worse. It spread all the way up into my skull (not a headache, still just musculoskeletal pain, but in my head now, as well), and my jaw, and still neck and shoulder where it started. I was so bad that I had to go home from work early, my charge nurse insisted on it, she didn't think I was going to make it any longer.

Sleeping didn't help any either. Hot shower when I woke up felt good, soothing. But I'm still in pain. Can't move. No range of motion at all. Over the counter pain killers aren't doing much, I'm about ready to move onto the prescription stash. Which is fine, since I called into work...there was no way I was going to be able to work tonight.

I'm hoping if I just rest it and continue to mildly stretch every so often I'll be okay tomorrow. Otherwise, I'm going to find a clinic to get an x-ray. Because this is unusual pain. For me, for this location, take your pick. It just doesn't seem right.

For now, I've found a semi comfortable position, I've got a snack, and Beary Long squished under my arm. And Matt is bringing me something for supper later. And I've got 2 more episodes of Friends on this disc before I have to get up ;)

Pain, pain, go away

It was so bad I could barely stand by the time I left work.

And my balance has been really bad lately. Especially at the beginning and end of my days (not so much morning and night, because that's not where my day distributes). I almost fell standing from my chair at work this morning....in front of the nurse. I had been complaining that I was really tired all night, so I think she brushed it off as that, but it wasn't. At least not completely. And by the time I got home, I couldn't walk at all without having to hold onto something. Showering in the morning when I get home is always frightening....collecting everything I need in the floor of the tub and sitting while I shower is very helpful. Certainly don't have as far to fall that way :P

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Hmm. I really wish I had more molasses cookies. I just finished the last one. But I don't have another day off until the weekend. So I won't be going out until then. Guess I'll have to make do without them.
....I have granola bars with chocolate in the meantime ;) Now that's the sunny side of life!!