Randomness

I knew it was coming eventually, but it still sucks. My team leader came and found me a few days ago and asked me to come with her to talk. She said I wasn't in trouble, that we just needed to talk (yeah, still didn't sound good to me). We went down to the human resources office where we sat down with one of the HR recruiters. That's not good.

I was told that with the budget cuts and things that have been going on lately (yes, I did know about that stuff) that much of my department was being cut. And I was going to go as well. Fabulous. They told me that I held just enough seniority that I could be offered the one night shift position that was open. However, I don't do well with night shifts. I learned that one the hard way already, and feeling like my body is finally slowing it's rapid decline, I can't go back to night shift, no matter how desperate I am. So I declined the offer.

What I was told is that I would have until Monday (6 days) before the new change went into effect and that I would need to find a new job (great, PLENTY of time. NOT.) They offered to help me find a position at another entity (it's a big network of hospitals spread all over several counties in our area), which is great, all except any other hospital is a good 35-45 minute commute each way. Bummer. And the closest one with the most positions open is in a rotten part of town with a lot of druggies and gangs. More awesome.

So I thanked them for keeping me informed (it wasn't their fault.....it was the big wigs over their heads I needed to scream at) and went back to work, unable to speak about my feelings because I was asked to keep this quiet as not everybody had been told yet.

The next day I got online and applied for a couple positions. I reluctantly applied for the hospital in the crappy part of town because it was closer and the only one that had day shift positions open. Then I applied for a position at the hospital I'm already at, a position different than what I'm doing (and also part time) that I'm not qualified for. But there were so many open, I was hoping that they were willing to give me a shot and train me. I mentioned it to my supervisor, she mentioned it to that department's supervisor, and the next day there was an email waiting for me to set up a phone interview.

I still don't know if I have a shot at all at it because I don't have the certificate for the position and I don't know if they train for it or only require that you come in with the qualifications already in hand. But with that many openings, I had to try. And hey, I have a phone interview. If I do by chance get the position, I'll fill the other hours of my week with a second part time job, anywhere at all. There's a huge shopping center near my house and there's bound to be stores in need of cashiers or restaurants in need of part time servers/wait staff.

So that's where I'm at with my job right now. I hope and pray that I get the position in my current hospital, but I know that I can't hold my breath forever.

--

In other news, I have an appointment with my neurologist Monday. I have three things on my agenda with her. First, I'm going to try and get her support to come off the Topamax. I know her line of thinking is that if it's doing even a little good, it's worth keeping, but I think at this point it's doing more harm than good, and I don't want all these prescriptions flooding my body. I want the Topamax gone. It would take a month at the dose I'm at, and then I would be free from that. That would leave me with three prescriptions (and one is in office every 3 months). Second thing is that we have to schedule my next Botox treatment. I'm due for it at the end of April. so I need to get started on the insurance now. Third thing is my gut issues. My gastroenterologist told me to go see her. He thinks my gut issues may be neurological and is still refusing to put in a J-tube. But I think even if there is something going on that we can treat or even fix, there's no reason for me to be this sick from lack of hydration and nutrition in the meantime. I think a J-tube would seriously improve my current quality of life. I think it would lessen my migraines, it would help with my fatigue and weakness and pain because I would be hydrated and nourished, it would help with my heart palpitations and flutters and the faintness and dizziness that I have constantly from dehydration and electrolyte imbalance. This could all be corrected. I know a J-tube for someone who is fully cognitive and able to function and understand seems like a harsh idea to some doctors, but I'm running on empty. I really need to feel better. And I think this is the only way to get it, at least until we figure out what else might be going on. A tube doesn't have to be permanent; just a means to support me for a while. That's all I want. And that's what I'm going to talk to the neurologist about Monday. I need someone to see that I just don't feel good anymore and I really need this. At least for the time being. If they can figure out what's wrong with me and fix it, then the tube can come out. But I really want it in the meantime.

At any rate, I'm already tired so I'm going to kick back and watch some tv and sip a soda.